Last night, two of THEM were on the wall. They were discussing the fact they too have an entire crowd of people yelling at them and victimizing them. One of them also discussed their girlfriend and how He victimizes her. At this time I noticed I was crying from one eye. The eye that was facing the wall their shadows were on.
I found this image today, that reminded me.
Also today, as I was listening to a Lamb of God song, the sun got brighter on the sidewalk just as one of them tried to get me to pontificate about the lyrics “Behold the grace of God”. It may of just been a coincidence, but then…I don’t beleive in coincidences.
On the inside, Im crying.
No one knows, what I feel inside.
No one seems to care…
As the young are left to suffer, for our mistakes.
I found these images on deviantArt. The one in white was the first, like the other girls in white Ive found. I may do a blog post on this later. Anyway, I found the other two images a DD’s one day on deviantArt. That makes them a pair.
First Image
Second Image
Third Image
The things I know about THEM, no one cares. I know they don’t beleive me, think I’m insane. It still ticks me off. Im sure there are plenty of people who know who are doing nothing. Whats wrong? I know I was like this once…but still.
THEY didn’t touch me much today. THEY like pointing out I smoke (cigarettes) which is lame. They just want to take the heat off of them by pointing out something about me.
Right now they are going off at me, which is ridiculous, seeing as they could just leave if they wanted to. To think of all the years THEY stuck around, pointing at me, wasting my time, when They could just leave. Why would THEY hang around if they had such a problem?
Filed under: Regular Day
Mom had a cook-out today and some of her friends came over, I just finished eating a cheeseburger and grilled onions from it. When I was sitting outside and THEY tried to force me, the wind blew on me. If you remember from previous post, Saint Micheal controls the wind. This happened twice. So that makes a pair, which I see many of.
Another cool pair today was a website titled “For You” with a girl holding out two flowers. As this was a pair, I took this to mean Christ was offering me flowers. I see lots of pairs of flowers, once I even saw a whole yard of flowers paired together
Filed under: Regular Day
Little girls don’t have what I have inside.
They don’t have the strength.
To deal with what he does.
They don’t know how to understand, that person is nothing.
I am stronger.
I wish I was a little girl.
Men don’t think little girls are bitches.
They don’t call them whore.
Little girls get taken care of.
So I pretend, that I am little and pure.
Filed under: Regular Day
I used to be obsessed with one of the voices. I thought I loved him (although, looking back, I cant really say what I felt was love). I read in the Bible about the time when wicked men are adored, I think this was what I felt for him.
Its hard to explain, but this voice, that I used to be obsessed with, is from the band called Slipknot. You’ve probably heard of them. Anyway…I obssesivly stared at his picture for a really long time. I would talk to it.
Now I hear his voice (The one called Chris, btw). I hear him in my mind, and he’s not being nice. I can feel him touching me, and I dont like it. Of course…to everyone else Im just an insane girl. However, I beleive they do sorcery.
Now, this funny icon that reminds me of him! I would like to do this to him.
Filed under: Regular Day
I found another image with red under the eyes today after I tried to save a girl with Christ’s blood like the ones mentioned in this post.
I feel this is how I should feel for people who don’t know Christ, like how Ive been in pain because my friend Danielle does not beleive in God and does drugs with her daughter Malice around. Malice is only a few months old.
Filed under: Regular Day
One of the voices, named Chris, raped me. He made me whimper once and moan a couple of times. When He put pressure on my body, in the dark, I felt scared and nervous and closed in inside. It made me have this tight feeling in my chest
I think He did this because earlier He raped me so I wouldn’t listen to music while he was having relations with His girlfriend. He apparently got some kind of thrill out of raping me and having sex with her at the same time. After He did this one of the other voices said something about He would beat me up, so I turned on some music. I think this was an affront to His ego, hence the later rape.
He is the one that made me feel the way I did in The Feel of Dirty, I also mention His work I guess you could say in another blog post, when He made my breast feel so dirty I wanted to die.
I have found three images much like the ones below. Someone with red underneath their eyes. I imagine these to signify the tears within me, the ones that I don’t actually cry out. Inside me is much pain no one ever really see’s. No one around me knows how I feel every day, or what I go through while my voices hideously torment me, both with screaming and touching me sexually.
The first was a cover of a Shadow’s Fall CD. It features an image of a man with gauze around his face and red under his eyes…This picture reminds me of some of the sadistic people in my life. One of my voices even molested me while I was looking at it. I imagine this man to be much like the voices, taking pleasure in causing others pain and then mocking them.
The second was while I was at a friends house. It was a fearie with red under her eyes, like bloody tears. My friend just had a baby she names Malice…which I think is a horrible name for a baby. She also continues to do drugs despite the fact she has this baby. While I dont have that image, I did find the next one right after this visit and made a layout from it.
The last image I found while browsing DeviantArt, its titles BloodBandit and I just put it on here because it resembles the others.
